I haven’t slept at all since two days ago. Yesterday morning, my little brother woke up and we just started talking about everything in general. My ex came up into the conversation and we were just talking about the guys who’ve been in my life since him. When I started explaining why I broke up with him and what the real reason was that got in the way of us getting back together again, I choked up. I was surprised and stopped talking. Then, I kept asking aloud to myself even though my little brother was there and I repeated, “Why am I crying? Why am I still hurt?” I answered my own question. I’m not hurt because of some typical reason like, I must still be in love with him. No, it’s not that. I was hurt because I realized how much I hurt him. And for no real good reason either. I felt so hurt that I used to be like that. It’s been over a year now but I hate now realizing that I was so selfish. I went around only concerned with myself when he was always there to care for me when things went wrong and I have to admit now, I don’t think I can do any better than him. Sure, I can do better appearance-wise but he’s the best I can do besides that. I realize that guys like him are rare. And that’s why I’m hurt. And that’s why I choked up after not talking about what happened after so long. Because I realize that he didn’t deserve to be hurt by a girl like me. I can’t believe no one stopped me from going around hurting him and everyone else like that. All I can think about now is that I hope he has forgiven me for what I’ve done.